Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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