Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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