btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
