2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
