Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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