I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
