my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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