last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
