I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
