If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
bring money and cleavage
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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