After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
