I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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