the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
