Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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