so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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