You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
