Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
