She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
