before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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