Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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