Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
