I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Randomize
