I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
