afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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