So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
