If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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