i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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