Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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