I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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