yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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