i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
