The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
