Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
