Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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