how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
