i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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