Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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