i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
