how can u be prego again
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
