so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
