I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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