Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
