i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
