Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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