Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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