no. you can't hotbox the world.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
