I'm going to jail i love you
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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