I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We left the knife in your bed.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
