I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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