Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
