the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
