I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
