bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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