i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he shaved USA in his pubs
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
